


pale blue

by ginkohs



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginkohs/pseuds/ginkohs
Summary: Eiji is bitten. Ash tries to find a cure before it's too late. Snippets of moments along the journey.





	1. Scabbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're unfamiliar with mine and Celia's zombie au on twitter, please go check it out! (There's a pinned thread on my profile @bananadeppi)  
> This is based off a doodle I did today. Takes place after Ash and Eiji are overwhelmed with undead, Ash slips and falls unconscious, Eiji fights off the rest of the hoard.

Eiji crouches low, hovering over Ash’s still form. Blood and sweat drips from Eiji’s face on to his, and he uses a sleeve to try to wipe away the worst of it. Eiji is a mess- his face and torso completely caked in blood and dirt. They had been so overwhelmed, and after Ash slipped and knocked himself unconscious, all Eiji could remember was the thundering of his own heart and the single goal to _protect Ash._ Luckily they’d both made it out alive, and Eiji, despite suffering a few bites and scratches, had watched Ash for long enough that he felt like he knew how to fight off the living corpses quickly and efficiently.

  
                Ash begins to stir, his eyes scrunching and his breath coming faster. His expression reminds the Japanese boy of when he would suffer horrible night terrors back in New York. And when Ash huffs out a soft, pained “ _Eiji...”_ he realizes that was probably what was actually going on now.  
 

                “Ash…Ash wake up, please…” Eiji whispers, placing a hand against the blonde’s cheek and leaning over him to watch his face as he regains consciousness.

                He wakes with a gasp, blinking wildly as his eyes focus on the figure above him. Eiji is about to smile and say something chiding, but freezes with a choked noise when Ash’s hand shoots up to grasp him by the jaw. There’s a wild look in Ash’s eyes; a look he’s seen countless times, but never directed at Eiji himself. Ash is breathing heavily, eyes wide and terrified. His nails are biting into the skin of Eiji’s cheek, and he holds him there, staring at him with a pained look.  


                “Ash….?” Eiji squeaks meekly after a moment of silence, and when Ash’s grasp on his jaw loosens at his voice, continues, “Ash, are you okay?”

                Something seems to click in Ash’s mind, because abruptly, Ash lets go of his jaw and roughly pulls Eiji against his chest, holding him tightly. Ash’s voice is wracked with gasping sobs when he speaks.

  
                “Oh God…oh God Eiji” he gasps,  “I thought….you—I was _so scared,_ I thought you- you _turned._ ”  
               

                Ash rolls them both over and holds Eiji’s face in his hands to look at him. Inspecting him up and down and wiping grime off his face with his hands

 

                “You’re _covered_ in blood. Where’s the wound?”  


                “Calm down, Ash. It’s not mine...”

                _Mostly not mine-_ But Eiji keeps that to himself, and holds the hands fluttering over his face. Ash casts a worried look over him once more, not that he could make anything out with how grimy Eiji is, and finally his shoulders slump as he sighs, pulling Eiji into another hug.

                “I thought I lost you….oh god I almost _lost you_. I can’t- _I can’t_ —if you left me alone I-“

                Ash isn’t making much sense, but his words leave a sense of heavy dread in Eiji’s stomach. Eiji thinks briefly about the bite wound scabbing over under the bandages on his forearm, the way it stings and itches, and scrunches his eyes shut against Ash’s shoulder as the other boy holds him and cries.


	2. Conviction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji is a little delirious with fever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're unfamiliar with mine and Celia's zombie au on twitter, please go check it out! (There's a pinned thread on my profile @bananadeppi)

                Eiji felt awful. He’d been running a fever all day, shivering one moment, and panting and sweaty the next. Ash had been casting him worried looks and checking his temperature since they woke that morning, and it made Eiji feel worse to worry him with this on top of everything they were going through.

                He couldn’t help but squeeze his bandaged arm. The wound wouldn’t heal- just kept oozing and swelling. To be honest, despite Ash’s conviction, Eiji was running out of hope. They didn’t have much time left, and Ash was running on fumes chasing a rumor about a supposed researcher who had been close to finding a cure. And even if it turned out to be true, Eiji was almost sure his fever would finish him off before they even found him. He didn’t want to be around Ash when that happened, when he _turned_. The last thing he wanted was to put Ash through that.

                They had been on the move for the better part of the day, looking for somewhere safe to hunker down and gather their strength before heading off again. And luckily, even out in the middle of the countryside among acres of cornfields and little else, they managed to find a small shack nestled on the edge of the forest just as the sun began to dip below the horizon. They were glad to find the interior empty, though it was cramped and full of dust. There was hay for padding, and a little lamp for light.

                “It’s a good a place as any.” Ash huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes. “Let’s roll out the blankets and call it a night.”

                Eiji agreed, and began to pull out their coats and blankets. The nights could get harsh and cold these days, and they needed all the warmth they could get. In the middle of helping Ash unroll a big quilt, Eiji’s vision blurred and he had to catch himself from falling face-first into the hay on his elbows.

                “Eiji?”

                Ash was at his side in an instant, hauling him up and pressing a hand against his clammy forehead to check his temperature.

                “I’m fine…I’m fine..” Eiji slurred. He hated this- he hated the look of distress on Ash’s face.

  
                “No, you’re dehydrated. You’ve been walking and sweating all day. Here—“ he pressed a bottle of water to his lips, and Eiji drank long, deep gulps. “You should have said you were feeling dizzy.”

                The Japanese boy wiped his mouth with a sleeve, and leaned against him.  


                “Sorry. I’m fine. You take good care of me, Ash. Don’t worry.”  


                The blonde frowned, and gently laid Eiji down on his side.

                “You rest, I’ll finish unpacking, okay?”

                Ash made quick work of the rest of the blankets, and pulled out every coat and sweater they had to pile on top of them for warmth. They both huddled into the makeshift nest together, facing each other and pressed close with the oil lamp burning a low and gentle flame in the darkness. The glow of the fire made everything feel cozy and sweet. Eiji marveled at the way Ash smiled at him, his face lit with warmth that softened his features.

                “Sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning, and I’ll be right next to you to look after you,” he told Eiji, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear.

                Despite the atmosphere and Ash’s reassuring words, Eiji felt cold and anxious. He scratched at the bandage on his arm under the blankets. How could Ash smile like that at him? In this situation?

                “Aren’t you scared?” Eiji whispered before he could stop himself, shaking Ash’s hand off him. “Sleeping so close to me.”

                Ash furrowed his brows, “Why would I be scared?”

                “I’m infected.”

                “I won’t get infected just being near you.”

                “You could.”

                “ _I wont._ Unless you decide to bite me.”

                “What if I do?”  

                The blonde frowns, taking a moment to stare at him.

                “Eiji, what’s this about? C’mere…” he says, holding his arms out to him. But Eiji shakes his head, looking miserable.

                “If the fever takes me in the night, and I attack you, what would you do?”

                “Eiji….”

                “I’m serious, Ash. Even if you wake up in time, would you put me down before I could hurt you?”

                Ash’s expression darkens in an instant.

                “Don’t talk like that. It doesn’t matter.”

                “How can you say that? You know it could happen any day. I want to know.”

                “I’m telling you, _it doesn’t matter._ ”  The stormy look on Ash’s face clears into something softer and sadder. This time when Ash reaches for him, Eiji doesn’t stop him. “If you attack me in the night it means you turned because you died. If it comes to that, it doesn’t matter whether I wake up in time to stop you or not. The result will be the same in the end.”

                Eiji is pulled close again, tucked under Ash’s chin, and the older boy wants to protest- wants to tell him that he has to keep going even if Eiji can’t. But the conviction of Ash’s words, the way he said it like it was just a fact of life in the way that the sky was blue and that water is wet….And Eiji thought of Ash without him, or Eiji without Ash. He couldn’t say anything without feeling like a hypocrite.

                “Rest…we’re gonna find that damn cure tomorrow.” Ash whispers into his hair. And Eiji nestles closer and closes his eyes.


	3. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji is trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're unfamiliar with mine and Celia's zombie au on twitter, please go check it out! (There's a pinned thread on my profile @bananadeppi)

“What will you do if I die before we find a cure?”

Ash startles at the sudden question. He and Eiji had been walking through the woods, leaves crunching beneath their feet, avoiding major roads in favor of the cover of the dense trees. He doesn’t say anything at first. This kind of question was common from the Japanese boy nowadays, and he didn’t like it at all. It sounded too much like a question from someone who had already given up and was preparing for the worst.   


“I told you before….there’s no me without you,” he replies, keeping his voice carefully even.

They continue walking in silence for a few more moments, and sneaking a glance behind him, Eiji seems to be in deep thought. It doesn’t take long before he blurts out his next question.

“What will you do if we find a cure? And I survive?”

Ash raises his eyebrows. This was new.

“I…I don’t know. I haven’t really thought that far. We could do whatever we want. Maybe…settle down somewhere quiet.”

“Settling down sounds nice. We could have a garden and grow our own food, maybe get a dog. Ah, I want to sleep in an actual bed again, and take hot baths.”

Eiji speeds up to match his pace, and smiles up at him. Ash’s heart stutters in his chest. He hadn’t seen that smile for a while now. He looks down at him, trying to commit it to memory.

“And…maybe if they can cure me, they can help everyone else too. Things could be normal again.”

He breathes out a laugh, half relieved at the other boy’s optimism and half charmed at the way his lips twitch into a grin as he imagines it. Ash can’t help but sling an arm around the smaller boy as they walk, pressing him close.

“Yeah, it could be. It will be.”

He leans his head against Ash’s collarbone, his own hand finding the one slung around his shoulders. A comfortable silence settles around them as they continue forward, trying not to trip over each other’s feet in their proximity.   


“We could…get married,” Eiji says so suddenly that Ash nearly stumbles over a tree root. The blonde flushes deeply, making a futile effort to appear calm, and Eiji laughs at his pink cheeks. “What do you think?”

“You asshole, what kind of a proposal is that? At least get me some flowers or something” Ash mumbles, keeping his gaze straight ahead. His own embarrassment is worth suffering for the way the smaller boy snorts with laughter.

Eiji stops for a moment to dip down and snag a dandelion from the many growing along the path at his feet.  When he stands up again, he deftly ties the stem around Ash’s ring finger on the hand still slung protectively around his shoulders.

“There, a flower _and_ a ring. Two-in-one deal!” Eiji says with a final tug on the knot.

The blonde looks at his finger for a moment, and then looks at Eiji who is smiling expectantly at him. There’s a softness to the Japanese boy’s gaze that he hadn’t seen since he’d been bitten. God, he’d missed that smile. He’d missed the brightness and warmth the other boy seemed to carry around with him everywhere, but in recent days, he seemed…smothered. But he could feel it now, still muted but a bit stronger. Eiji was trying.

Ash can feel his chest swell and constrict with an overabundance of emotion. Suddenly his mouth feels very dry, and he needs to swallow the feeling rising in his throat, trying to think of something clever and witty to say back at him.

 “I love you,” he says instead, and he can’t bring himself to care about the way his voice cracks with emotion. “I love you so much.”

Eiji’s expression becomes more serious, though the smile is still there. They slow to a stop to hold each other properly. Ash buries his face into the crook of Eiji’s neck. He wants to tell Eiji to hold on a little more preciously to his life; he wants to promise him the quiet house and the dog and the garden. Instead, he clutches him tighter, and soaks in the feeling of the other boy holding on to him just as firmly.

“I love you too,” Eiji says into his shoulder, his voice muffled but still just loud enough to hear. And then, after a moment, “So is that a yes?”

Ash straightens up and flicks the other boy right between the eyes. Eiji flinches and pouts at him, pressing a hand to his forehead.

“Dummy,” he replies. “Of course.”

 

 

 

 


	4. Survivors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash decides not to take chances anymore. Even if he loses himself a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're unfamiliar with mine and Celia's zombie au on twitter, please go check it out! (There's a pinned thread on my profile @bananadeppi)

For some reason, Eiji could feel nothing but an acute emptiness as he stares down the barrel of the shotgun pointed right between his eyes.

“You best be on your way,” the man says, his face cold and hard.

Two hours ago they had been chatting amicably, his open and friendly face a distant memory now.

Ash is standing a few paces away with an alarmed look on his face, having just walked in on the scene. He’s still holding firewood under one arm, braced to run toward Eiji but afraid to provoke the man into shooting. Eiji knows Ash likely already deduced what happened. It’s painfully obvious with Eiji standing there, his sleeve torn open to reveal the puckered bite wound half-hidden under unraveled bandages.

The thing is, all Eiji can think of is how much of a waste it is. They had been staying with this small group of survivors for just a few days after Ash had gotten sick. He had been in desperate need of medication, and they had swooped in just in time and provided; invited them into their camp with open arms. Ash is still recovering, but getting better. It had been nice- having other people to talk to, eating around a campfire and passing plates around, being able to rely on others for safety, having that peace of mind that not one, but a whole group of people were looking out for you. Ash needed it too- Eiji could tell- keeping the both of them safe and taking care of Eiji and his quickly deteriorating health was taking a toll on him too.

 _Stupid_. Eiji thinks to himself. He and Ash had been traveling alone for so long, he’d forgotten to be careful. It was just one slip of his sleeve to reveal the bandages, one casual observer to ask what kind of wound it was, one suspicious moment before someone grabbed his arm and forced his secret out in the open when he couldn’t lie well enough to hide it. He’d ruined such a good thing. _Stupid._  
  


“All right,” Eiji says quietly, his palms turned outward in a gesture of surrender. “I’ll go.”

He didn’t even have any of his stuff. His eyes flick to his backpack leaning against the side of their truck. The man notices.  
               

“No, we already wasted our supplies on you. We’re keeping it as compensation for feeding someone who’ll be rotting meat in a week anyways.”

Eiji doesn’t flinch at his words, but Ash does. The firewood he’s holding clatters to the dirt, pulling their attention to him. The finger on the trigger of the shotgun twitches at the noise.

Ash puts his hands up.

“Put the gun down, man. We’ll go.” Ash says. “You can keep our shit too. Just quit aiming that at him. He’s not even armed”

The man raises an eyebrow, but keeps his aim steady on Eiji.

“ _You’re_ not the problem here, kid.” He says to Ash. He gestures to Eiji with the shotgun. “The only one who’s gotta leave is him.”

Ash shakes his head.

“I go with him,” He says firmly, taking slow, deliberate steps toward Eiji with his palms out.

When he gets close enough, he takes Eiji’s arm and pulls him so he’s half-hidden behind Ash’s broad shoulders.

“We’ll go.” He repeats, staring the man down with a level gaze. When the man nods, they take measured steps backwards together, and when they’re a good distance away, Ash takes Eiji’s hand and darts into the cover of the woods.

They walk at a brisk pace for a while in silence, Ash’s hand in a vice grip around Eiji’s wrist. It doesn’t take long for Eiji to shake himself out of his strange haze of numbness as they head deeper into the forest.

“Ash,” he says, trying to keep up with him despite being half-dragged by the blonde as they walk, and when he won’t relent, Eiji jerks his wrist out of the other boy’s grip and stops walking. “Ash!”

Ash stops and whips around to look at him. His jaw is clenched tight. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at Eiji, waiting for him to talk. Eiji has to swallow before continuing.  


“Go back to them.”

Ash’s expression darkens, but Eiji keeps talking.

“They’re right, you know. It’s too late, and I’m not getting any better. Chances are, we won’t find a cure. But they’re good people, and- and you could make a life with them. They have food, protection… if you go back now, they might still let you in.”

Ash looks angry. His hands clench and unclench at his side.

“How many times do I have to have this argument with you? I told you already, I’m not giving up on you. I’m not leaving you behind by yourself.”

Eiji wants to scream at him. He hates this- hates being the reason why Ash keeps getting dragged down- hates being the reason why Ash keeps getting stripped of any good fortune that comes their way.

“Ash, look at us,” he says, gesturing. “We have _nothing_. No food, no supplies. When your gun runs out of ammo how will we defend ourselves?”  
               

“We’ll find stuff along the way like we always have. I’ll figure it out.”

“Or you won’t! Go back to them, Ash. Holding on to me is a death sentence.”

“Stop it.”

“You know I’m right! I won’t stand here and be the reason you d-“

“I said stop it!” Ash shouts, cutting Eiji off. “I told you before, it doesn’t matter, and I meant it.”

In two quick strides, Ash gets right into Eiji’s personal space.

“It doesn’t matter to me. No one else matters. If that guy had shot you, I would have killed them all.” Ash says coldly. After a moment, he swallows and his aggressive posture changes to something softer. His shoulders slump and he reaches out to run a thumb along the curve of Eiji’s cheek.

 “I would have killed myself,” he finishes.

Eiji doesn’t know what to say, but when Ash takes his hand again, his grip gentler as he starts pulling him along through the woods, he goes along without resisting.

 

The next time they happen to be with other survivors, it’s with two brothers. When they happen to see Eiji’s wound after his sleeve gets snagged on a branch, Ash shoots them both before they even have a chance to speak.

“I won’t watch someone point a gun at you again,” he says.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find a motorcycle

Ash was surprised when they found the motorcycle, purposefully hidden under a bramble of thin branches and leaves. The fact that it was still working too was a miracle. It took ages to untangle it from the branches, and even longer to haul it out of the mud from the previous night’s rain. He had his own before, but that felt like it was lifetimes ago back when they were still trying to escape the Infected in from the city. He’d been so upset at having to abandon it to the dead and escape with Eiji on foot into the forest.

Eiji was sitting nearby on the curb by the road watching him, resting while Ash wiped the bike down and checked it for damage, keeping a close eye on the other boy as he worked.

Eiji was getting worse again. Well- his health had been declining ever since he’d been bitten, but it was more like his _spirit_ was sick too. Back before when it was just the two of them in New York, the Japanese boy was always simmering with life. Even when he was alone, he would mumble or hum to himself, tapping his foot along to some song on the radio, and when he grew tired of that he’d go and chat up their neighbors as well. When Ash was there they would spend hours just chatting away and Eiji would restlessly find something to fidget with or clean and tidy up. But now, there were some days when Eiji would only utter a word or two only when Ash addressed him directly, and spend the rest of the day silent with a shuttered-off expression.

Ash couldn’t blame him. He wiped the last of the mud from the seat of the motorcycle and swung his leg around to straddle it as it roared to life.

“Eiji,” he called over the growl of the engine. “We’ll make some good time on this before the sun sets. Hopefully we can make it to the next town and find somewhere to call it a night.”

It took a moment for the other boy to respond. Eiji had his head buried in his arms, his knees drawn up to his chest. Slowly, he uncurled from his position, blinked, looking at nothing, and then turned to Ash. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his face. Ash knew he was running another fever- or rather, he had been running the same fever in varying intensity for the past few days. Still, Ash smiled encouragingly at him, and cocked his chin in a _come here_ gesture.

Eiji stood up, brushed off his pants, and shuffled over to him. When he was close enough, Ash took his backpack and secured it to the bike with the rest of their stuff, and helped Eiji climb on behind him.

“Do you remember when we used to ride around the city on my old bike?” Ash asked, tugging Eiji’s arms around his waist. “Remember, you gotta hold on tight, okay?”

 “Yes, I remember.” He said, huffing out a laugh. “I almost fell off the first time.”

“Well that’s what you got for being shy and not holding on tight enough” Ash grinned, encouraged by Eiji’s brief smile. And then in a softer voice he says, “So don’t be shy.”  

Eiji doesn’t respond to that, pouting into his shoulder, but it’s enough for Ash when he feels Eiji’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and they’re pressed flush together.

Ash takes one last glance behind him, making sure all their gear is secure and Eiji is good to go, before he revs the bike and takes off down the wide road.  They’re in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but endless winding roads and fields around them, but it feels good. The crisp air, the wind whipping around them, Eiji warm against his back. And he’s struck by a memory when things weren’t so bleak, and an idea.

The bike roars as he speeds up, and he feels Eiji’s arms tense around him in surprise, gripping him tighter. They go speeding down the road, the scenery a blur around them. And Ash waits for it, one moment, two, before he’s rewarded with the delighted laughter bubbling up from the boy behind him. Ash grins and swerves along the road as he urges the bike on even faster, and Eiji screams in delight. It feels like they’re flying, but it’s not just that. Ash feels light, hearing Eiji whoop with laughter and urge him on faster, lighter than he’s felt for so long.

 He sneaks a quick glance behind him, and takes in Eiji’s flushed cheeks, his carefree grin, his eyes squeezed shut against the wind. For those few seconds he could almost imagine things were okay, that there wasn’t a bandage around Eiji’s swollen arm, that they were just racing down the highway, still in New York, and all the people they loved and cared about were alive. When he turns back and diverts his attention back to the road, there’s an overturned car on the side, dried brown blood on the windows, and they speed past it. It breaks his fantasy somewhat, but he’s still happy.

Ash slows down a bit, traveling at a safer speed now that the roads are winding more, and he spots some debris here and there. Things are so peaceful, with the sun low and just beginning to set, Eiji’s breath against the back of his neck, the crisp, gentle breeze. It takes him a little too long to notice the grip around his waist slipping until one of Eiji’s limp hands bump against his thigh.

“Eiji?” Ash calls, panicked. He grabs Eiji’s limp hands with one hand and holds them together pressed to his stomach as he tries to steer with the other and slow them safely to a stop. Eiji is slumped against him, and leaning dangerously to one side. “Eiji? Wake up! Eiji!”

They come to a shaky stop by the side of the road, and Ash immediately dismounts and hauls Eiji up and drags him down to the soft grass a few feet away, letting the bike fall with a graceless clatter against the dirt.

He cradles Eiji on his lap, pushing his damp hair away from his face. His skin is like a furnace, hot to the touch, and he’s almost drenched in sweat, twitching and pale. Ash fumbles for his canteen, and opens it, letting a trickle of cold water cool the boy’s feverish skin, but Eiji doesn’t wake.

“Eiji, c’mon. Don’t do this to me now, c’mon…wake up..wake up…” Ash whispers, smoothing Eiji’s hair back again and again. Ash’s only comfort is that he knows Eiji is still alive, because he can hear his breath shuddering in his chest, but Eiji doesn’t wake.

 


	6. Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confession under the delirious haze of fever.

Eiji had been unconscious now for 27 hours and in contrast, Ash hadn’t slept at all in all that time. The bike had run out of fuel, and with no other option, Ash had taken to carrying the smaller boy on his back— cleverly tied with strips of ripped cloth so that Ash’s hands were free in case he needed to fight. So far he had managed to avoid any confrontations, being careful to hide from other survivors and steer clear of Infected. Ash knew that it was unlikely he would win, sleep deprived, fatigued, and supporting the dead weight of a whole person in a fight. 

 

He knew he was running on fumes, but for some reason he couldn’t feel it— couldn’t allow himself to feel it. His single-minded focus was to make it to the location detailed to him by the voice in the radio he and Eiji picked up a week prior. It was someone who claimed to have a cure, or at least, was investigating and close to finding a cure. That doctor was the best chance Eiji had, and Ash would make it no matter what.

 

They had been making good progress to the location over the past few days. They were close, close enough that even Eiji seemed to be regaining some hope of his recovery, but the Japanese boy’s collapse made those last few miles a terrifyingly agonizing snail’s pace. Ash had to take breaks often, walk slowly to avoid burning out, could not take shortcuts through the woods where he would have to climb over boulders and trudge through bushes, At least not with a sick and unconscious person on his back. 

 

At the moment, Ash was walking along the roadside, trying to listen for Eiji’s rattled breathing as the older boy’s head lolled against his shoulder, and Ash nearly stumbled over the gravel at his feet when Eiji let out a quiet, but pained whine and shifted against him. Immediately, Ash stopped and put Eiji down; untying the strips of cloth securing Eiji to him and instead, sitting and turning so that he could pull the smaller boy on to his lap. He was stroking Eiji’s dark hair back from his sweaty forehead and searching his face.

 

                 “Eiji.....Eiji can you hear me?” 

 

                Eiji was panting hard, eyelids twitching as Ash spoke to him softly. The little gasps and whines he was making sent a pang of hurt through Ash’s heart. If he was in pain, maybe it was better for Eiji to sleep through it. And yet on the other hand, Ash feared that if Eiji knocked out again, he might never see him wake up.

                Finally, Eiji’s eyes cracked open, but it seemed he was looking at nothing. Ash pulled out his half-filled canteen and pressed it to Eiji’s lips. He needed to get him to drink something while he was somewhat conscious. Ash tilted the canteen, patiently letting Eiji drink the slow trickle of water and pulling away when he started coughing.

                “Ash..?” Eiji rasped in between rattling coughs, clutching at the blonde’s shirt. “Ash?”

                “Yeah…yeah it’s me. Eiji. What’s wrong? Is something wrong with your eyes?” Ash was worried. He was hovering right over the smaller boy. He was staring right into his face.

                “It’s all blurry.” Eiji sounded hoarse like he sometimes did when he just woke up. The hand clutching at his shirt moves from his chest, up his shoulder and down until it comes to rest, holding on to the sleeve on Ash’s bicep.

His hand trembles. His whole body was trembling, Ash realizes. Thinking Eiji was feeling cold, he goes to dig through the backpack to find another hoodie for him, but the second Ash begins to turn away, Eiji grips him hard and presses himself bodily into Ash’s chest. He pauses mid-movement, and then turns back to settle his arms around the smaller boy in a protective embrace. He feels his shirt become damp with tears before Eiji lets out a heart-rattling sob, and he realizes he’s crying.

Ash can do nothing but hold him tighter, rubbing his back in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. He isn’t used to being the one to do this. Eiji was always the strong one, emotionally. In all their time travelling together, even after the world went to shit, even after the bite, he’d rarely seen Eiji cry. When he did, it was usually in silence, tears slipping down his cheeks and the occasional sniffle. But he’d never seen Eiji cry like this; broken, great hiccupping sobs and clutching on to him like a child.

 Ash’s heart felt like it was climbing up his throat, seeing his Eiji, always brave and strong in the face of danger; who kept Ash’s sanity tethered to his body despite the reality of an actual apocalypse looming in all around them. Eiji, who loved him despite all the atrocities he’d had to commit. Who joked and bickered and teased him despite all the chaos of the world they live in. Who always offered him a kind smile even when there was less than nothing to smile about.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong, sweetheart? Are you in pain?” Ash’s voice is hoarse now, too. Seeing Eiji like this was too much; he wanted to cry too.

 “I- ” Eiji tries to catch his breath in between his great, heaving cries to say something, but interrupts himself with more coughing and hiccupping before he’s able to force out the rest of his sentence. “I- _I’m scared!_ I don’t want to die. Ash, I don’t want to die!”

“You’re not.” Ash reassures with the steadiest voice he can muster. “Remember that doctor? We’re close, Eiji. We’re so close. I’ll save you. I promise.”

“I can’t...Ash, it hurts. I can feel it. I’m afraid I’ll slip away. I thought I did. I don’t want to be away from you. I’m s-scared to be away from you. Ash…Ash…” Eiji’s grip loosens on his shirt as his voice drifts, mumbling his name.

“I promise I’ll save you. I promise. And even if- if…” Ash’s breath hitches in his throat; he’s holding on to Eiji as tight as he can. “I won’t leave you alone. I’ll follow you; I won’t let you slip away.”

For a while, Ash holds him tightly, rocking gently back and forth. Eiji’s face is pressed into his chest, fingers loosely holding his bicep. And it takes a moment for Ash to realize Eiji has gone quiet again. He gingerly uncurls from his position over the smaller boy to reveal Eiji’s face; reddened, sweaty, and streaked with tears, but completely still. Suddenly Ash feels like he can’t breathe as he rests a clammy hand against Eiji’s cheek, and slowly, he traces a path down to his neck to check his pulse. For one, terrifying moment he can’t feel anything and his entire body goes ice-cold, thinking the worst had happened. But then he feels a pulse, weak but steady. Eiji had fallen unconscious again.   
  
                It only takes Ash a few moments to gather himself, scrubbing an arm over his eyes and sniffling hard. He hauls Eiji up on to his back, gathers up their supplies, and continues trudging down the empty road.  

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this will have just one more chapter before I call it done! There's a lot of pain...but they get their happy ending


	7. Finale + Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembers the quiet house, the dog, the garden. The dandelion ring.

Ash can’t move.

He’d been walking for ages, practically dragging Eiji’s unconscious form along with him in his exhaustion until he’d stumbled over a crack in the path and found that he no longer had any strength to get back up after he fell.

                Ash was horrified when he found he couldn’t move no matter how much he willed himself to get back on his feet. When Eiji was last awake, he had cried to him, clutched at his shirt. He said _I’m scared, Ash. I’m scared._ What else could Ash do? He has to protect him. He promised he would protect him- that things would be okay again. When he was laying in the dirt, all he could think of was Eiji talking about the quiet house, the dog, the garden. He thinks of his cheeky smile and his gentle hands tying the dandelion around his finger; the way that he’d said _I love you, too_.

                Just as he started to feel himself fall into tumultuous grief, brushing knuckles with Eiji’s limp hand somewhere behind him near his hip, he hears the crunch of dead grass underfoot, coming closer. Ash’s whole body tenses. He can’t even get up. He doesn’t know what to do. Though he’s lying facedown, he’s so tired it feels like he’s not tethered to his own body, like he might float away. Something’s coming closer. What can he do?

                Ash pants hard, crawling up on his elbows. Every muscle screams in protest, but he keeps going. He can do this, at least. He inches backwards, following where Eiji’s hand was brushing against his side before, until he’s shoulder-to-shoulder with the smaller boy, and with the last of his strength, he drags himself on top of him. His arms are bracketing Eiji’s shoulders, his black hair tickling under Ash’s chin. There’s a ringing in Ash’s ears now that makes it hard to listen for the footsteps, but his head spins and makes it hard to concentrate on anything anyways. He feels a few dead leaves brush against his arm, and his vision blurs and fades just as he sees a pair of shoes come to a stop in front of them.

And then nothing.   
  
                When he’d woken up, he was warmer and more comfortable than he’d been in what felt like forever. And suddenly that warmth chills to ice in his veins as he remembers. Eiji. What happened to Eiji? He jolts up and lists dangerously to the side as a wave of lightheadedness overcomes him. But a hand catches his shoulder and steadies him just before he falls.   


                “Hey,” a voice says from near him and Ash tries to force himself to alertness.  “It’s fine. You’re really sick, don’t stand up yet, OK?”

                Ash breathes hard through his nose to try to push down the wave of nausea that rises up this throat, and waits for his vision to clear. He’s in a dim bedroom, lying on a plush couch. It’s very obviously lived-in, with boarded up windows, weapons, gear, and empty food cans organized in the corners. A small generator and a portable heater hums near the door. There’s a guy with curly brown hair sitting on a wooden chair near him, his hand still outstretched from when he steadied Ash earlier. He’s looking at him with a calm expression, the palms of his hands out in a placating gesture.

                “It’s fine,” the guy says again. “Your friend’s on the bed over there. He’s stable for now. He’s still alive.”

                Ash straightens to look, even though it makes his head spin again. There’s a little mound of blankets on a twin-sized bed on the other side of the room. He can see a familiar tuft of dark hair on the pillows. It’s Eiji. He’s hooked up to an IV. He can see the movement of the blankets as he breathes. He’s still alive.  


                Suddenly Ash slumps, most of the roaring in his head quiets knowing that Eiji is alive and safe, for now. But it gives him room to focus his attention on other things. Like-  


                Ash turns his attention to the brown-haired guy next to him.

                “I- I know your voice. You….were you the guy broadcasting on the radio?”

                The guy looks surprised.

                “That was weeks ago. I didn’t know anybody heard.” He furrows his eyebrows “Did you….? Hear me? Were you looking for me?”

Ash takes a shuddering breath and nods sharply. And something like realization dawns on the guy’s face. He gestures over to Eiji.

“You were looking for me to save your friend, weren’t you?” he shifts in his chair a bit meekly. “I saw the wound when I was cleaning him up. Looks bad.”    
   
                Instinct makes Ash want to grab him and chain him to the radiator. He doesn’t like that this stranger was handling Eiji while Ash was unconscious. But he notes the gun holstered on the guy’s thigh, and all of his and Eiji’s gear bundled up in the corner near the bed. And- if what he was saying is true, he has no choice but to trust him.

“…Can you?” Ash says tensely. “save him, I mean.”

The guy crosses his arms and presses his lips together. “It’s true I was researching a cure, but it’s not complete.” He looks at Eiji again, and sighs “And I’m not sure if it’ll even work, considering how far along the infection’s taken to him already.”

Ash falls silent, staring hard at the bed where Eiji rests. “So you just need to complete it, right?”

The guy nods, “But there’s no guarantee it can be completed before he….you know.”   


Ash clenches his fists in his lap, a grave expression on his face.   
“Show me your research.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Eiji drifts in and out of consciousness for a long time. He’s lying on something soft, and he feels so cold despite the warm, heavy weight draped over him. All of him is cold except for his right hand. Someone’s holding his hand. He knows this hand, this gentle, warm hand, rough with calluses and scarred on the third and fourth fingers. It’s Ash’s hand. _It’s Ash. Ash._

Eiji cracks his eye open, and he feels dazed, like he’s watching a movie underwater. Everything moves slowly, but he sees him. Ash is hunched over on a desk near him, surrounded by sheets of loose paper and large books; a candle burning low illuminates his face. His eyes are closed, and he looks so tired even though he’s asleep. One hand has a pen in it, supporting his cheek as he nods in his sleep. His other hand is extended, holding Eiji’s. And he thinks it’s good that Ash is sleeping, he wishes he wouldn’t look so tired.

And he drifts off as well before he can think on it any more.

The next time Eiji wakes, it’s not nearly as quiet as before. He hears voices, angry and shouting outside the door.

“Listen, we don’t have a lot of options left” a muffled voice says. “We should just give him what we have so far and hope it works. He doesn’t have a lot of time.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit!” another voice shouts. It’s Ash. “You saw what happened to the rats in almost every test. I’m not risking it; it’s too unstable for now.”

It’s Ash. Eiji tries to makes a noise to get his attention, but all that comes out is a very quiet huff. He feels heavy and cold. He can’t move. Ash speaks again.

“He’ll hold on for a little longer. He’s stronger than he looks.” He sounds so tired, “I’ll go refer back to the books- see if there’s anything we’re missing.”

“You should sit down. Close your eyes for an hour” The other voice says in a gentler tone this time “You look like shit.”

Ash sighs heavily, and there’s silence for a moment. “No. No, I’m fine.”

And Eiji drifts off again, just as he hears the creak of the door opening.   


Eiji wakes to being jostled, and the sound of clinking metal.

“What the fuck are you doing?” It’s Ash, a few paces away. He sounds so angry.   


A voice closer to him responds, “Just—a precaution. Just in case, okay?” And a cold, heavy weight locks around his wrist. He can’t move his other arm either.

“So what, you’re chaining him up like a fucking animal? Get that shit off him.”   
“I know you don’t like to hear it, but it’s any day now. Fuck, it’s any hour, to be honest.”

“I don’t-!“

  “Cool it, man. It won’t hurt him, just keep him from wandering around the house if he- you know. Unlike you, I’m not prepared to die if this doesn’t work out. I still got shit to do.”

Eiji falls back asleep to the sound of clinking chains.

 

When Eiji wakes up, for the first time he isn’t cold, but comfortably warm. His wounded wrist stings like it’s on fire rather than the deep, itchy ache he was so accustomed to. There’s also water dripping on his face, on his cheeks and chin. It’s so bright when he tries to open his eyes that all he can do is squint and let out a quiet, groaning sound.

                Someone inhales sharply at his left, and he hears the clink of metal. A warm hand touches his cheek. He knows that hand, and for the first time in a while, his head feels clear even though it aches, so he makes another effort to open his eyes.

                It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light streaming in from the window, and the first thing he sees is Ash hunched over him, eyes screwed shut as tears drip down his cheeks. He’s crying, but not making any noise. He looks so tired, more tired than he’d ever seen him before. Eiji moves his arm to reach for him, but he hears metal rattling and his arm catches mid-movement. It takes him a second to realize he’s handcuffed to the railing of the bed.

                The sudden noise prompts Ash to gasp and open his eyes, and Ash looks at him with so much pain and fear. Eiji wants to hold him, and ask him what’s wrong, but he can’t get his voice to work yet. He’s still waking up.

                “Ash, we should…“ Eiji takes notice of the other person in the room. He’s a man with curly brown hair, and he’s holding a gun pointed down toward the floor, but cocked and ready.

                “Wait, just let me-“ Ash says, in a choked voice, and he pulls a key out of his pocket and frees Eiji’s wrists from the cuffs. With the cuffs out of the way, Ash puts his arms around him and holds him.  Eiji can’t help but close his eyes at the contact, leaning into his warmth. He feels good, better than he has in weeks. He breathes in Ash’s scent.

                “Ash..” Eiji whispers into his shoulder, and suddenly Ash’s whole body freezes. The hands around him grip his shoulders hard, but not enough to hurt. Ash holds him at arm’s length and stares at him with a shocked expression.

“What?” he says quietly, like he’s trying not to scare a small animal.  “Eiji, are you…”

                Eiji doesn’t know what’s going on, but Ash looks so tired and so scared.

“What’s wrong, Ash?” he asks, but Ash is still staring at him, like he’s processing.   
“Holy shit,” the other man whispers quietly from the foot of the bed.

                And suddenly, all at once, Ash lets out a wrecked noise and pulls Eiji in to his chest, he holds him tightly and rocks them both gently back and forth.

                “Eiji,” he hears Ash whisper into the side of his head. “Eiji, oh my god.”

                Eiji grips on to the fabric of Ash’s shirt and he’s held. He’s so confused. “What’s wrong, Ash?” he asks again, but Ash can’t stop crying long enough to answer him properly.   


                The brown-haired man lets out a long sigh and holsters his gun, shaking his head.

                “It fucking worked, holy shit.”  He gasps, putting a hand to his forehead, and he makes eye-contact with Eiji over Ash’s shoulder. “You sure took your sweet time waking up, didn’t you? Had to scare the shit out of all of us.”

                Eiji is still pretty lost, but he takes note of the IV in his arm, and how his fever seems to be gone. How his mind feels so clear after all the sluggishness he became accustomed to ever since he was first bitten. And he starts putting it together.

                Ash seems to gather himself as well, and pulls away, still holding his shoulders. He looks him in the face, and he’s still crying, but his smile is radiant.

“You’re okay.” He says, and it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself, so Eiji smiles back at him.

“Yeah,” Eiji says, “I’m okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

Five years later, Ash wakes to a gentle hand against his cheek. He opens his eyes and takes a moment to remember where he is. He'd fallen asleep reading on the chair on their porch. Eiji is touching his cheek, grinning. 

"Wake up, silly. You'll catch a cold sleeping out here." he says, and it makes Ash smile. Eiji is wearing a ridiculous sunhat and gardening gloves. He's probably going to go pick some vegetables from their garden for their dinner. A dog barks in the distance. He hears children laughing somewhere even further. The sun is warm against his skin. Eiji's hand drifts down to touch the thin silver chain resting against his collarbone, and follows the chain to the pendant that hangs from it. Eiji lifts it, and it dangles between them, shimmering as it catches light. A dandelion encased in resin. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAYYY IT'S DONE IFHSOH


End file.
